Highly Illogical
Well, Spring seems to have been shot out of a canon and hit the ground running. Buds on trees appeared early and so did my jogging partners, the lizards. Aside from the uptick in wildlife sightings, the other sure sign we’re careening headlong into Summer is Mom and Dad getting into gear for Woofstock. (June 12, 10:00am-3:00pm, Prescott Valley Amphitheater at 7501 Civic Circle, Prescott Valley)
Another sign that Summer is up ahead is Dad’s renewed energy in enlisting our (the four-legged pack’s) help to put on short theatrical scenes when Mom isn’t home. Wait, should I elaborate on this? I don’t…think…it’s a secret…oh well, here we go.
Yesterday it was a Star Trek bit. Of course, with my ears, I’m always called on to play Spock.
With my philosophical bent of nature, it’s a fairly easy part to play. Tucker is usually Bones, but if the scene is in Engineering, he has to be Scotty. Tucker says he prefers the urgency of his lines when the scene is in Engineering, but I think his dry delivery and sarcastic tone makes a perfect Bones.
Now Keira (the golden princess of the pack) is Uhura. Without fail, she always overplays her “incoming message” part and won’t quit barking. You’d think the whole Klingon fleet was broadcasting at us at once.
Sometimes we’ll do a Shakespeare scene or a John Wayne all-hell-breaks-loose saloon scene (my personal favorite).
Saloon scenes involve toys and Dad rolling around on the floor and being punched by Tucker (mean right jab that one has). Keira likes jumping back and forth over Dad and tries to pin him down with her weight. I bark encouragement and push him across the carpet. Dad always lets us win. He plays the evil cattle baron and we’re (the four-leggeds) the ragtag group that bands together “for the well-being of the town and its good citizens.” I get to say that line at the end. It’s awesome.
So yesterday’s scene was on the bridge of the starship (living room), and Dad (of course) plays Captain Kirk. He has a strange way of delivering his lines with lots of wild hand gestures and contortions in his posture. As weird as his emphatic style of acting is, you should see him try to dance to music.
On second thought, I’ll leave that alone. Tucker let that cat out of the bag in his column in the Flagstaff-Sedona Dog (FlagstaffSedonaDog.com) recently, and…let’s just say that someone who shall remain nameless was a bit unhappy with that.
The scene yesterday was supposed to go something like this:
I tell the captain that we’re approaching the planet Treats & Toys, and sensors indicate no sign of life on the planet’s surface.
Dad addresses the kitchen island. (There’s no one sitting there, but Dad has quite the imagination.) “Take us into orbit Mr. Suluki,” he says, with his arms extended toward the TV screen where said planet would be displayed if we had a decent budget.
Tucker cautions the captain about approaching a planet that so many dogs had visited but were never heard from again.
Tucker was looking forward to delivering his lines, but Keira lost her patience and jumped down from her station (the leather couch is the communications panel), filled her mouth with a nearby tennis ball, and declared over and over that we were being hailed.
Tucker took great umbrage to this and let Keira know she was out of line by barking quite authoritatively in sharp loud bursts.
Keira reacted by throwing herself down on the carpet and pitching a fit, rolling around in all directions.
Tucker, trying to recover from having his lines stepped on, decided to improvise.
“Captain! Captain! I believe Uhura is showing all the symptoms of having been bitten by a Spasmanian Devil.”
Dad looked down at Keira’s ongoing display at his feet and also decided to improvise.
“What do you recommend we do, Bones?”
Keira’s rolling slowed a bit to hear what Tucker was going to say next.
“A crew member that’s been bitten by a Spasmainian Devil could infect this whole living room…ship! I’m afraid it might be too late for all of us, Captain!”
Dad extended his arms towards Keira/Uhura and with pronounced posture distortion exclaimed, “Curses…foiled again. Foiled, foiled, foiled I say!”
For a brief second, we were confused as that’s Dad’s line from our saloon melee. Then Dad threw himself to the floor and put on a horizontal frenzied display of Spasmanian victimhood.
Tucker and I looked at each other, then decided to join him which made Keira jump up and watch us in utter disbelief.
That’s when Mom came in the front door with an armload of groceries. (Cue WTH look.) Keira ran up to Mom with the, “I’m so glad you’re home Mom, everyone’s being mean and scaring me!” look.
That’s how Dad got a good ten-minute lecture on frightening the baby with irresponsible behavior.
Dad took it all in stride, telling Tuck and me later, “Suffering is part of learning your art.”
After Dad walked away, Tuck whispered, “That sounded to me to be highly illogical.”
I told Tuck, if he was going to steal my Spock lines, I could go get the tongue depressors and adhesive tape for his ears.
~Hazel Bazel Rocket Dog
